Review: Petrol Bastard – 'We Need To Talk About Gavin'

PETROL BASTARD
'We Need To Talk About Gavin'
SELF-RELEASED 

Petrol Bastard have become the Donald Trump of the industrial scene, in that it was just one big joke and they are still amazed that people are still clueless enough to follow! What started as one drunken conversation has moved onto festival appearances, a naughty list of albums & EPs and a swathe of offensive merchandise, and they are still perplexed that people keep throwing money at them. They have tried everything to put people off, but to no avail. The only thing they can do is ride the wave and wait for the projects inevitable engulfment.

Enter 'We Need To Talk About Gavin'. Two things struck me before listening to the record; One, Why is there a pineapple on the cover and two, Who the fuck is Gavin? Neither of these questions are answered throughout the fifteen track run-time, but we are treated to an album packed with satire, countless special guests and bass deep enough to drown an otter.

It starts with a cheesy intro. Instead of the duo going full force into the fold as has been with their other works it is instead laden with clips from their answering machine of people asking about the absent Gavin. It's a strange set up, but it does give an indication on how this record has moved on from the early days of mindless fuckery.

The follow up track 'Full English Buckfast' is a literal wake up call. A perfect blend of hardcore, electronica and gabba that's stretched out in front of you as the boys tell you of their hectic lifestyle. Although it's content is still similar to their previous work it is very clear they have bucked up their ideas for this record. 'My Favourite Blue Pants' is as disgusting as you'd expect. The tune itself is very catchy and features a great cameo from Kunt & the Gang. Although the chorus can be a bit jarring, the excessive fog horn use is pretty funny.

'You Sent Your Granddad On Robot Wars' is a great little tale, proving once again that PB are incredible storytellers. Using the theme of 'Self Preservation Society' for the chorus gives the tune a real British feel but it doesn't make the track stand out more than it should.

The next track 'Yorkshire Piss Bomb' is a strange change of pace for the most part. The vocals from Ctl, Alt, Del's Em Wagner makes it sound more like The Human League have been at the Babysham!
It builds up to a slice of chavvy bliss which will then get stuck in your head.

Then there's 'Six Cheeseburgers'. To put it simply, it's a doom march about fast food. Never before has there been a song documenting what it's like to work at McDonald's at 11pm on a Friday night when a car full of hyped up twats turn up on their way to the club... and I doubt there will be after this one.

By far one of the strongest tunes to the album is 'IDGAF What The Doctors say'. A cheery tune with a sunny disposition including vocals from Big Chief Humming Bobbar. Once again it's one of those really catchy tracks which if you weren't properly listening could be very easily put on the radio.
'Nobody Knows What Happened In Glasgow' is apparently based on a true story. Co conspirators Petrol Hoers and Autopsy Boys get involved on this one, by the end of the track the mist descends and you wonder if any of them are welcome back in Scotland, if so it'll be a miracle!

'Transit Van' is a welcome (?) return to the PB sound we all know and love (?) It's short, bitter, hard and will have you dancing so hard you'll hit your head on the ceiling.

Where 'Transit Van' was a dodgem ride of brutality, 'Its Not Drink Driving If You're In A Ford Capri' is more of a roller coaster ride. There's still a chance you're going to throw up, but it's far more enjoyable to listen to.

'Me & Anne Diamond' is a proper little acid trip of depravity and a stalker's pride. Surprisingly minimal and still just as quirky, Anne Diamond should feel privileged to have had this ditty written about her.  'How 2 Fite' is a cocky electro nugget that will get even the hardened Industrialist raving. If you enjoy the music of Combichrist & Faderhead but long for something better then this is the track for you.

Another one of those out of the blue mysteries is 'Fuck Off Pauline'. Who is this poor woman and what did she ever do to them? (They will never get their lasers back with that attitude). The breakdown half way through is pretty bad-ass though.

One of the weakest tracks is 'Frosty Jack's Robot Greggs Wankathon'. Although it is a stark reminder on what the band is mostly known to do, but it is repetitive, grating and doesn't really offer anything new to the record.

The real surprise is the final song. The instrumental outro 'Porno Paradiso' is nothing short of amazing! Reminiscent of those old 80's schlock horror movies this track would have fitted perfectly on the credits of any Troma film. The fact that PB member Ben Atomgrinder had a role in Kurt Dirt's low budget gore-fest 'Life Is Cheap' might have played some part in this track's creation. Never the less it is a very odd and refreshing way to end a record so diverse and different to it's predecessors.
It was clear right from the start that the album was a step up from the humble beginnings of 'Jihad Trombone'. Most bands who release a best of compilation come out with a weak follow up soon after, but in Petrol Bastard's case it is quite the opposite. They are still dirty, foul mouthed and borderline insane boys and with 'We Need To Talk About Gavin' there is more organised random chaos attached to it than any of their past work combined. Plus with the godfather of naughty nineties industrial Johnny Violent once again on the mastering desk it has not only become an instant masterpiece but also a part in the genre's history.

One thing I can say though is that they still know how to put on a party... Just don't let them anywhere near America!

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Review: Petrol Bastard – 'The Very Worst Of Petrol Bastard'

PETROL BASTARD
'The Very Worst Of Petrol Bastard'
SELF-RELEASED 
What can I say about Petrol Bastard that hasn't been mentioned before in many colourful ways?
Two guys from the north decided to create an anarchic punk-industrial mix up that have ever since been a permanent piss-stain on the UK's alt. scene. Labelling themselves as a "Tesco-brand Prodigy" and trying their best to offend as many people as possible be it with their music as well as dry humping the audience at their gigs, these guys have managed to create a post modern jizz-fest on their own laurels.

So, after three albums, one compilation, a fucked up demo, and an EP later, here comes Petrol Bastard: 'The Very Worst Of...'. Now I know what you're thinking: "but dude, they don't charge for their music and there's nothing new on this fifteen-track shit-fest, why would I be interested in that?" Well I'll tell you why.
Since the early days of PB the aim has been clear from the start; have fun and fuck the haters (sometimes literally). This compendium of sleaze is a fine example of their best (or on some case least worst) of Ben and Jon's work. Where you would feel 'Jhad Trombone' was very hit and miss, you could argue that there are some midget gems in there (such as 'Violent Assault On Priory Way'), and in the last year the guys have been making serious headway.
The album begins with a siren. If that doesn't grab your attention then I don't know what will, and with it being an updated version of 'Shoot The Dog' you can be rest assured things are going to get loud. All re-mastered by 'Hardcore Motherfucker' Johnny Violent, it proves that you can polish a turd by adding more beats, more bass and highlighted vocals that makes even the most repetitive of songs that little bit more enjoyable.
Mixing old with new is a great concept, as the album doesn't follow a chronological pattern, heading from 'Circuit Board' to the rip roaring 'Fuck Off' and the anthemic 'Hey Petrol Bastard'.
If of course you're well versed with the works of PB then prepare to find all your favourites. From 'Beefy Granddad' and 'Bitch Better Be A Meat Eater' to 'Oi Lad' and 'Batley', there's bound to be something for everyone.
Petrol Bastard are what the industrial scene is crying out for at the moment, even if they don't know it yet! With the lyrical tenacity of Jim Thirlwell, the sordid insanity of TKK and the catchy humour of KMFDM, they are daring, talented and post-modern to the hilt.
Coming off an amazing set at the final Resistanz Festival, the pair are now in the making of creating their fourth album. If you haven't experienced the force that is Petrol Bastard then this is the album for you.... It's not as bad as you think!

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Review: Petrol Bastard – 'Terrible Problem'

PETROL BASTARD 
'Terrible Problem' 
ARMALYTE INDUSTRIES 

Have you ever woken up after a massive bender with permanent marker on your face, a goat in the living room eating your sofa cushions and a feeling that either you may have eaten something wrong or that someone has violated you? Well hang onto your hangover cause here lies your soundtrack for the next few hazy hours!

Over the last year Northern Buggers Petrol Bastard have been putting their loud and ludicrous Friday nights to good use by making some of the most brain shattering electronic music their bile could muster. With the success of their second album 'Dripping Gash' they have managed to get all over the UK playing with some other scuzzy industrial acts and have also managed to get themselves involved with Alt.-Fest next year. This new eight track album, released before their official release with Armalyte Records next year, is a torrent of drunken antics that is sure to either have you bouncing or throwing up into the bathroom sink.

Starting with the aptly named 'I spent my rent money on Tentacle porn', the album begins with sirens, digital discourse and screaming that makes you believes you are in the presence of the Overfiend! If you manage to make your way through the sludge of the first track, the next song, 'If you die in Batley do you die in real life?' makes a running start like a juggernaut. Pausing briefly in the middle with Doghouse of Sicknote breathing haggardly in your ear it then returns with overpowering gusto.

'Fred Foster' is a perfect representation of what it's like to crave a drink on a Saturday night, with sing-a-long capabilities and frustration you wouldn't want to mess with. It's follow up 'Fiat Multipla' serves as a part two to 'Fred Foster'. It's the closest thing the band will ever come to writing a ballad and sounds like the band is crawling ever closer to the bathroom to pass out in their own filth. Like a motor revving up though the album starts back up with 'White Star Adventuraaaaaaaaar', which seems to reek of mid-90s glitch charm. An unfortunate co-incidence then that the last track is titled 'The 90's were shit (I shat in a gameboy)'. It's a perfect example of what the band is about: sampling fart sounds and bumping beats that sound like football supporters kicking at a wall.

If Faderhead's 'Black Friday' was about clubbing in Europe, then 'Terrible Problem' is the English tourist making trouble trying to chat up the native birds and throwing up on his shoes at the end of the night. A must have for anyone who loves sleezy electro industrial with no disregard for public safety.

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